%PDF-1.7 1 0 obj << /Type /Catalog /Outlines 2 0 R /Pages 3 0 R >> endobj 2 0 obj << /Type /Outlines /Count 0 >> endobj 3 0 obj << /Type /Pages /Kids [6 0 R 19 0 R ] /Count 2 /Resources << /ProcSet 4 0 R /Font << /F1 8 0 R /F2 9 0 R /F3 10 0 R /F4 11 0 R /F5 12 0 R /F6 14 0 R >> /XObject << /I1 15 0 R /I2 16 0 R /I3 23 0 R /I4 24 0 R >> /ExtGState << /GS1 17 0 R /GS2 18 0 R /GS3 21 0 R /GS4 22 0 R >> >> /MediaBox [0.000 0.000 612.000 792.000] >> endobj 4 0 obj [/PDF /Text /ImageC ] endobj 5 0 obj << /Producer (dompdf 1.0.2 + CPDF) /CreationDate (D:20241018052818+00'00') /ModDate (D:20241018052818+00'00') >> endobj 6 0 obj << /Type /Page /MediaBox [0.000 0.000 612.000 792.000] /Parent 3 0 R /Contents 7 0 R >> endobj 7 0 obj << /Filter /FlateDecode /Length 1969 >> stream xXMsWHI*Iי&/f"!1 dn%Kt4isHD$t{tgʋpQ"/6\+J7"=ѿc K(RWTIC?rAp44\NM'r%]fL%,P,0^Ũyxk@`( Po fy1Tk,Ej|*`p6%rVLuzlH }'ol}ZF~$'^R:; {'qK[Vdnb#Z68?\ e8+qFW'k#J6uN1+9ҜbiDY$s<[34ʨ0'ޒrSbXgR$gfP5q3(֧Eu0j ! 'D ⑆ɷA;-c);6HJenaZ7À5z گ/< />~j]P &-t$ML4[;4^ڽP'';G8E?UNYZiV,!DP%vicҢ}Hv0_ph5E޻{he9*ŋPv.! , h oKX.i"6^AtMF7%1\1$\._ F3XAZ%r1H:)'bZ+&,D(' u07vJ8Mpm+m'GoȤ(blS9b3af&F@;:k^Wl(L0JgŔ:tH(vjlcE φPc, }[. ֖E Y,N1<3TJ\0a,W4$T\!,Qwe.Rf1ٞ{4a],CAZhL0.%2lPˠak*5;N,mǐsZ^ɛPeER jP VBWμ J'Ocz}T 1`)K8~tܴmRXA6UPn*^Zzy/ճyLУA?SAlzj2&gB2{uֺ\%l[^4.V܄5@Mz/r΄Vx^g?fضbS~Ķ_Sz; @2뚛aޮx۝2O܊mR:M>Rj<3>0toX×sO}%ފ> endstream endobj 8 0 obj << /Type /Font /Subtype /Type1 /Name /F1 /BaseFont /Helvetica /Encoding /WinAnsiEncoding >> endobj 9 0 obj << /Type /Font /Subtype /Type1 /Name /F2 /BaseFont /Times-Bold /Encoding /WinAnsiEncoding >> endobj 10 0 obj << /Type /Font /Subtype /Type1 /Name /F3 /BaseFont /Times-Roman /Encoding /WinAnsiEncoding >> endobj 11 0 obj << /Type /Font /Subtype /Type1 /Name /F4 /BaseFont /Helvetica-Bold /Encoding /WinAnsiEncoding >> endobj 12 0 obj << /Type /Font /Subtype /Type1 /Name /F5 /BaseFont /Helvetica-Oblique /Encoding /WinAnsiEncoding >> endobj 13 0 obj [6 0 R /Fit] endobj 14 0 obj << /Type /Font /Subtype /Type1 /Name /F6 /BaseFont /Times-Roman /Encoding /WinAnsiEncoding >> endobj 15 0 obj << /Type /XObject /Subtype /Image /Width 550 /Height 140 /Filter /FlateDecode /DecodeParms << /Predictor 15 /Colors 1 /Columns 550 /BitsPerComponent 8>> /ColorSpace /DeviceGray /BitsPerComponent 8 /Length 5329>> stream xqDǯ뺒$ILfff&I335Lf2\3I2L&_3$3I$d+$\W=9y9lLss99P`0 `0 `0 `0 !U_:~u = F~sZŻدns⃪Qg¢G(F[-s͓^ DZ>d>3Dr#\OΉ, ZFwjux<;4Ƀxز#_v?nO<|{7c(b{Oū}w[N e~Hs䎷wwOn<1B.k+%U=eԘ -mCj)t:}c'ϓ*n"-ovkZ?R"V%wʶ7s]eX&eǕq` 1-2e JYHCFOUam 7:(Ԙt_@ހN t{B~ :V@}o#7!z^&zFL:ʤn X<- %"bNWqF c` M'4?cH-V`ǵAF>=#Ěm75dB I&7E5<>-͏їFǿl3M6x]Y&)2 FoΌ N.<t i4wL\^=_|Fo؏IȄ ik$ɄL?{?|tmCޮ=~T&iTevϷ'奔s?EꋄLPY͹箵?@L:Aˤ3y_:9AtA*0qVe- e6g)%a}.qKcI V/xʤzM|\ HSql0;*%+Mذ-闛obebu2iU&lLbtIcxb5^B#8 ޮaʻ _ w>j+L:$"&O;bZ K1 jmU玫ݢ=S/J<WO2'_yUPvp=`"aL5 Nl7"rlQT޼==-I[Se* F'(\`󴯉'{:נnVZ TG6*r$Tyx^LJū.C<3` %ANrxUo"˄ 0&$tO F&bIcW3GG͈ y!{m,LkCI d,(2"@ dR%F1thUL8Rݒ^+v9^?sʯYעDl~Qd" N2sc|ov}=F,3K#vxIvG^,[OM&wI[#,Jޙ\ض;L^fv[LbyYvM#/EI#/Zס$(ڼ ," &LK/IF i-Zx彰픢]MKeR n(PhV'LҸ\f$w/ e]"mɷWO߻˱ KerSPe (ӼGMȈ}X?ʍto7ZKl+81_Y&ǡd uʤ1Vw!sQ"/$zNkw(t)2BWQW"˄OXLp:e‡# וzn2F}qlc5ؾ:WH xLz LP:d# Q>(MRېd2Qt$o~R$YR5,-nޜLr_βehd" 2k1lvO X= eC p+[R=jU!֖}_DޟY2 (*wkZQ>Fl̲soR#^u3hhyTԲt.LtD8sk4z4Rbl@zp4hy0Tn\=.fnő Y/:TC9<@fSI$:QR/bq7DfR/ֻn)Vqd"䳽˄GL;ϝRG顼n&%Sv eFv,L"t}I&N> D73]$e)( ;]XhL`kSzJlcC$<)깍h}dr,1ܝRM뭍eMa $?e3f8΍҈&P(x+JU5{I 3 M- ;7|#G9 !\œ&=xp2,L{-`?OW":4uܚEadv ~9q.VdV%UT@73$@W¯B!ݒaVLH:!opr;gAɀiήpfߙR E/IDO*Luf0}{7mfyDxT.g)w5RvHx#Z]&M$ gZUTt+lZqZ_;a&JaG,-JLJDFIcV|:I3nB&;N0Lna=Y_Gl,p5,,kc EKgd;2vt7selT9˸sX޲.6r<1!| L0lTMS1?Xsf cq )KSgBB&׭x. v c@^Yk΀v],E[ɾ QhYyXXC2)g/J@su1ScL, ?C[{V2i͛!סӠ&> 6lu>4Ƕʤ|=12鱧l{^:a/Y%~].26G: p^CZ V&Vedҟ?RrX7d#I]ՕuL1 ?_ /12IEh ̴b<ӯ^e _ϝ䰻^]vy> /ColorSpace /DeviceRGB /BitsPerComponent 8 /Length 873>> stream x1j08-K/)],) &gi+:U̲\"9H!@"9H!@"9H!@eY.Z[p_E{QHKV[/`j%ʒcP,SX4W{7urd5ɱPr:-ֆʇX$$zfZpClbw7z{[]qGlwlGlZiM,ߺ7x}w` L9=3zpWL9 j)ۓB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$e]k` B$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$/؋ endstream endobj 17 0 obj << /Type /ExtGState /BM /Normal /CA 0.3 >> endobj 18 0 obj << /Type /ExtGState /BM /Normal /ca 0.3 >> endobj 19 0 obj << /Type /Page /MediaBox [0.000 0.000 612.000 792.000] /Parent 3 0 R /Contents 20 0 R >> endobj 20 0 obj << /Filter /FlateDecode /Length 1807 >> stream xXM6q9 $x$AZmf(vb3w%;ր{ =e꽪nR^#K[zsCv]$ |2|Y ϖ+ز7)K3-c?dic޲d% F5YKiUwbN-3X[ ڏGh%${y/-3o}xK^eUm-Պ" j}Zv{pIļw# ,h-ymkD0X8#'u MY<"hBlEx 0pN B7G\ܸ~c[K8a $Gp(\ N^jD}/%ktv/;eZ" i>Q2P؋p{c^"2.6K}ApMcl)@7!{qpP=EYpv's2*1q0a8Jf/ϫv=hpƚ2pD#Pfѧ)! s5_1_GA-E`'Q@|6x'N!H[yCB)H:rd@ g_{0w*/hWf%PͶ|5#1DUŋ *PX5 7ft@)$OJ$yl CQvIaS湔)_1.v6S ,HOJRN_Z?c4; b;ǤA$.Z@=0x:wSvAA5DtocXD}7"Td?kfl)(7C` v+*dhym6(;#C B=ŗ(,A-{sW]P׶"3y K O՚&I$Y?'e+0a^ + %{'t|ܧm\.y>MKl( ~s,)@AlqM 96%.x G ߊ&tۘrxѶeѳ^tGJ J[-Zi˻i'K`W!BcA(WQuzEwn'@Pݬn:5 HR4<^i96Pne8?Ƅŗx<+;e ̐DN >ԗGm]\^f> endobj 22 0 obj << /Type /ExtGState /BM /Normal /ca 1 >> endobj 23 0 obj << /Type /XObject /Subtype /Image /Width 550 /Height 140 /Filter /FlateDecode /DecodeParms << /Predictor 15 /Colors 1 /Columns 550 /BitsPerComponent 8>> /ColorSpace /DeviceGray /BitsPerComponent 8 /Length 5329>> stream xqDǯ뺒$ILfff&I335Lf2\3I2L&_3$3I$d+$\W=9y9lLss99P`0 `0 `0 `0 !U_:~u = F~sZŻدns⃪Qg¢G(F[-s͓^ DZ>d>3Dr#\OΉ, ZFwjux<;4Ƀxز#_v?nO<|{7c(b{Oū}w[N e~Hs䎷wwOn<1B.k+%U=eԘ -mCj)t:}c'ϓ*n"-ovkZ?R"V%wʶ7s]eX&eǕq` 1-2e JYHCFOUam 7:(Ԙt_@ހN t{B~ :V@}o#7!z^&zFL:ʤn X<- %"bNWqF c` M'4?cH-V`ǵAF>=#Ěm75dB I&7E5<>-͏їFǿl3M6x]Y&)2 FoΌ N.<t i4wL\^=_|Fo؏IȄ ik$ɄL?{?|tmCޮ=~T&iTevϷ'奔s?EꋄLPY͹箵?@L:Aˤ3y_:9AtA*0qVe- e6g)%a}.qKcI V/xʤzM|\ HSql0;*%+Mذ-闛obebu2iU&lLbtIcxb5^B#8 ޮaʻ _ w>j+L:$"&O;bZ K1 jmU玫ݢ=S/J<WO2'_yUPvp=`"aL5 Nl7"rlQT޼==-I[Se* F'(\`󴯉'{:נnVZ TG6*r$Tyx^LJū.C<3` %ANrxUo"˄ 0&$tO F&bIcW3GG͈ y!{m,LkCI d,(2"@ dR%F1thUL8Rݒ^+v9^?sʯYעDl~Qd" N2sc|ov}=F,3K#vxIvG^,[OM&wI[#,Jޙ\ض;L^fv[LbyYvM#/EI#/Zס$(ڼ ," &LK/IF i-Zx彰픢]MKeR n(PhV'LҸ\f$w/ e]"mɷWO߻˱ KerSPe (ӼGMȈ}X?ʍto7ZKl+81_Y&ǡd uʤ1Vw!sQ"/$zNkw(t)2BWQW"˄OXLp:e‡# וzn2F}qlc5ؾ:WH xLz LP:d# Q>(MRېd2Qt$o~R$YR5,-nޜLr_βehd" 2k1lvO X= eC p+[R=jU!֖}_DޟY2 (*wkZQ>Fl̲soR#^u3hhyTԲt.LtD8sk4z4Rbl@zp4hy0Tn\=.fnő Y/:TC9<@fSI$:QR/bq7DfR/ֻn)Vqd"䳽˄GL;ϝRG顼n&%Sv eFv,L"t}I&N> D73]$e)( ;]XhL`kSzJlcC$<)깍h}dr,1ܝRM뭍eMa $?e3f8΍҈&P(x+JU5{I 3 M- ;7|#G9 !\œ&=xp2,L{-`?OW":4uܚEadv ~9q.VdV%UT@73$@W¯B!ݒaVLH:!opr;gAɀiήpfߙR E/IDO*Luf0}{7mfyDxT.g)w5RvHx#Z]&M$ gZUTt+lZqZ_;a&JaG,-JLJDFIcV|:I3nB&;N0Lna=Y_Gl,p5,,kc EKgd;2vt7selT9˸sX޲.6r<1!| L0lTMS1?Xsf cq )KSgBB&׭x. v c@^Yk΀v],E[ɾ QhYyXXC2)g/J@su1ScL, ?C[{V2i͛!סӠ&> 6lu>4Ƕʤ|=12鱧l{^:a/Y%~].26G: p^CZ V&Vedҟ?RrX7d#I]ՕuL1 ?_ /12IEh ̴b<ӯ^e _ϝ䰻^]vy> /ColorSpace /DeviceRGB /BitsPerComponent 8 /Length 873>> stream x1j08-K/)],) &gi+:U̲\"9H!@"9H!@"9H!@eY.Z[p_E{QHKV[/`j%ʒcP,SX4W{7urd5ɱPr:-ֆʇX$$zfZpClbw7z{[]qGlwlGlZiM,ߺ7x}w` L9=3zpWL9 j)ۓB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$e]k` B$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$/؋ endstream endobj xref 0 25 0000000000 65535 f 0000000009 00000 n 0000000074 00000 n 0000000120 00000 n 0000000461 00000 n 0000000498 00000 n 0000000647 00000 n 0000000750 00000 n 0000002792 00000 n 0000002899 00000 n 0000003007 00000 n 0000003117 00000 n 0000003230 00000 n 0000003346 00000 n 0000003375 00000 n 0000003485 00000 n 0000009060 00000 n 0000010191 00000 n 0000010250 00000 n 0000010309 00000 n 0000010414 00000 n 0000012295 00000 n 0000012352 00000 n 0000012409 00000 n 0000017984 00000 n trailer << /Size 25 /Root 1 0 R /Info 5 0 R /ID[] >> startxref 19115 %%EOF When no one else can help | Caring Magazine

Vol. #28

Grace Uncovered

Read Issue

Latest Impact StoriesView All

Popular Topics

PopularView All

When no one else can help

January 31, 2010
4 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0
Listen to this article

inProcess

by Glen Doss, Major –

On September 29, 2009, a team led by three surgeons at Stanford Hospital, Palo Alto, Calif., performed a 14-hour procedure that essentially rebuilt my spine. It was remarkably successful. I remained in the hospital six days, followed by a lengthy recovery at home, visited regularly by nurses and physical therapists. I will always be grateful to my God-sent partner, Mary. I thank him every day for her.

I have had several surgeries, but this was by far the most trying because of the invasiveness of the procedure and the lengthy time I was under anesthesia. I thank everyone who supported me through prayers, cards of encouragement and personal visits. Following is an account of how God gave me grace through this ordeal.

Locked within my pain-wracked body, I gaze out through a fog. Pain envelopes me; it adheres like glue. I am suddenly seized by a sense of panic. I am desperate for an avenue of escape—any avenue at all. The pain is so excruciating.

“Take this button. Press it if you need more morphine,” directs a nurse. But though I push repeatedly, the pain does not subside to any appreciable degree. As my day in ICU goes by, I become increasingly irritated by the nurses’ inquiries. No matter how much I plead with them, they will not give me what I demand: an avenue of escape from the web of pain I’m trapped in.

On the second, day I am wheeled out to the ward where every time I close my eyes I am assaulted by vivid nightmares. Shockingly intense in color and detail, they embody my deepest, most personal fears—guilt from past sins I realize have long haunted me from within my unconscious. Wrenched from deep in my gut, from an area no human being has ever accessed, I find my deepest fears played out before my eyes. All is so convincing I am wracked by anguish from head to toe. “No! No! No!” I scream aloud—seeking yet finding no escape. I awaken suddenly, sweating, trembling throughout my whole body. Moments later, my eyes close again, and once more I am assaulted. I am somewhere other than the hospital, reliving a dreaded past. Guilt and shame are pervasive.

On my third day, it strikes me that none of this can be real. For I find myself in a hospital bed connected to IVs, unable to turn without help and the severest pain. Only now do I suspect the experiences to be mere hallucinations—yet so real to my senses it is difficult to believe they did not occur.

Finally, though I have prayed many times before, I do so from a deeper and more personal level. I sense that Satan has assaulted me, but now I allow God to stretch me. I am no longer the man I was three days before. I am reminded that, locked within my pain-wracked body, there is absolutely nowhere else to turn but him. Spirit and soul though I be, I cannot escape my body this side of the grave. In the confined space of my skin, only God can help me. From deep within my morass of personal pain I plead, “Dear God, help me, take me, hold me. May I be wholly yours and you be my all in all. As Satan attacks me, I will not permit him to bring me down. I fully trust you to help me through this. I pray I will not succumb to the devil’s onslaughts. You have forgiven me for the sins of my past and will empower me to live obediently today. I yield my all to you.”

Now his arms envelope me—gently, soothingly. Though I am immersed in a cauldron of pain, I find God’s loving caress is enough; it is all I need. I thank him for his love.

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart. I have overcome the world (John 16:33 NIV). I hear the Lord’s words and I smile.

“Though intolerable pain inflicts me, I cling to you, my God,” I pray. The words of Scripture soothe my soul as I recite them: “My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’ Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God. For I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:10-11 NIV).

“I praise you, O Lord, from within the eye of the storm. Even as Satan assaults me, surfacing my most shameful memories and guilt-laden thoughts, I praise you. Though he taunts me with jibes that sting, suggesting you have not forgiven my past sins and that you do not accept me as your child, I will not believe him. I will never give up on you, dear Lord. You have given me so much. Thank you for holding me securely amidst this ordeal.

“On my bed I remember you. I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me” (Psalm 63:6-8 NIV).

Download this page as a PDF

You May Also Like