%PDF-1.7 1 0 obj << /Type /Catalog /Outlines 2 0 R /Pages 3 0 R >> endobj 2 0 obj << /Type /Outlines /Count 0 >> endobj 3 0 obj << /Type /Pages /Kids [6 0 R 19 0 R 25 0 R ] /Count 3 /Resources << /ProcSet 4 0 R /Font << /F1 8 0 R /F2 9 0 R /F3 10 0 R /F4 11 0 R /F5 12 0 R /F6 14 0 R >> /XObject << /I1 15 0 R /I2 16 0 R /I3 23 0 R /I4 24 0 R /I5 27 0 R /I6 28 0 R >> /ExtGState << /GS1 17 0 R /GS2 18 0 R /GS3 21 0 R /GS4 22 0 R >> >> /MediaBox [0.000 0.000 612.000 792.000] >> endobj 4 0 obj [/PDF /Text /ImageC ] endobj 5 0 obj << /Producer (dompdf 1.0.2 + CPDF) /CreationDate (D:20241219081704+00'00') /ModDate (D:20241219081704+00'00') >> endobj 6 0 obj << /Type /Page /MediaBox [0.000 0.000 612.000 792.000] /Parent 3 0 R /Contents 7 0 R >> endobj 7 0 obj << /Filter /FlateDecode /Length 1937 >> stream xXMs6W޲U2oI{KfJU{DB$l`ЊgdjeYN0R.&M6~*M4V_SQzIjK-~SRMR? c+ݑy_GVT&YZaSdeRm͸7\ߪp“)5^_0o|ʒ<ɒP&rbo\[oI^q4EQиv8`F>#uYܻ>:`i H(:Ix:Yd,$i֏cBKmد(/ |u^ZO7vM_{soJ.K\Yϼʮ०bgg$h/[ڟ0HI3nYoO َH'pcm`V6꽌XvEeĺc8: _pm##H̓)fMMM'ch׫: Ҷ&3^.OcK 7f= B1h0Gh%ljΉЁml$cI}tLyԜw\hyt &q>f(:(fia)c>)3vɮ o ʉi²)(Ӛ>f4"A0(4I=ØV>yjRǀ2ٝE"Mw?O5[c(751B .dd)ԓA "1oZ5J1uQiK}:)"7 ts,aBT`w! eiyR`2C1[KslJs"yܯ<Y knOS83dÐ{98ZШWJ͗ZC xfMk潏AR@c21 }&PWϹs }oBJk$'-JuQ(M]$ΣkuOH&Qyˎ}#ԅ L;4F ?CÊyfeYxBENnNҊ=x|i.잻NBBwx @D:cG@X,%gpXtJY`lC 7 M.sQ":!VA@ ,F7{Z ($ ˺5QsL6FBmf^G*n)RRz,H.K& ^$h; ZH %S1"߫u ;aZ Nb+-2)Qs{)rl՘v!w#v#(& tpȚ^ -5PFreАAv2>2L4r0!1X1V/01tGb.0 z0\bD!Ҏjɣ^ "@KUHgy/IXP@Q\E#CщE1E@> endobj 9 0 obj << /Type /Font /Subtype /Type1 /Name /F2 /BaseFont /Times-Bold /Encoding /WinAnsiEncoding >> endobj 10 0 obj << /Type /Font /Subtype /Type1 /Name /F3 /BaseFont /Times-Roman /Encoding /WinAnsiEncoding >> endobj 11 0 obj << /Type /Font /Subtype /Type1 /Name /F4 /BaseFont /Helvetica-Bold /Encoding /WinAnsiEncoding >> endobj 12 0 obj << /Type /Font /Subtype /Type1 /Name /F5 /BaseFont /Helvetica-Oblique /Encoding /WinAnsiEncoding >> endobj 13 0 obj [6 0 R /Fit] endobj 14 0 obj << /Type /Font /Subtype /Type1 /Name /F6 /BaseFont /Times-Roman /Encoding /WinAnsiEncoding >> endobj 15 0 obj << /Type /XObject /Subtype /Image /Width 550 /Height 140 /Filter /FlateDecode /DecodeParms << /Predictor 15 /Colors 1 /Columns 550 /BitsPerComponent 8>> /ColorSpace /DeviceGray /BitsPerComponent 8 /Length 5329>> stream xqDǯ뺒$ILfff&I335Lf2\3I2L&_3$3I$d+$\W=9y9lLss99P`0 `0 `0 `0 !U_:~u = F~sZŻدns⃪Qg¢G(F[-s͓^ DZ>d>3Dr#\OΉ, ZFwjux<;4Ƀxز#_v?nO<|{7c(b{Oū}w[N e~Hs䎷wwOn<1B.k+%U=eԘ -mCj)t:}c'ϓ*n"-ovkZ?R"V%wʶ7s]eX&eǕq` 1-2e JYHCFOUam 7:(Ԙt_@ހN t{B~ :V@}o#7!z^&zFL:ʤn X<- %"bNWqF c` M'4?cH-V`ǵAF>=#Ěm75dB I&7E5<>-͏їFǿl3M6x]Y&)2 FoΌ N.<t i4wL\^=_|Fo؏IȄ ik$ɄL?{?|tmCޮ=~T&iTevϷ'奔s?EꋄLPY͹箵?@L:Aˤ3y_:9AtA*0qVe- e6g)%a}.qKcI V/xʤzM|\ HSql0;*%+Mذ-闛obebu2iU&lLbtIcxb5^B#8 ޮaʻ _ w>j+L:$"&O;bZ K1 jmU玫ݢ=S/J<WO2'_yUPvp=`"aL5 Nl7"rlQT޼==-I[Se* F'(\`󴯉'{:נnVZ TG6*r$Tyx^LJū.C<3` %ANrxUo"˄ 0&$tO F&bIcW3GG͈ y!{m,LkCI d,(2"@ dR%F1thUL8Rݒ^+v9^?sʯYעDl~Qd" N2sc|ov}=F,3K#vxIvG^,[OM&wI[#,Jޙ\ض;L^fv[LbyYvM#/EI#/Zס$(ڼ ," &LK/IF i-Zx彰픢]MKeR n(PhV'LҸ\f$w/ e]"mɷWO߻˱ KerSPe (ӼGMȈ}X?ʍto7ZKl+81_Y&ǡd uʤ1Vw!sQ"/$zNkw(t)2BWQW"˄OXLp:e‡# וzn2F}qlc5ؾ:WH xLz LP:d# Q>(MRېd2Qt$o~R$YR5,-nޜLr_βehd" 2k1lvO X= eC p+[R=jU!֖}_DޟY2 (*wkZQ>Fl̲soR#^u3hhyTԲt.LtD8sk4z4Rbl@zp4hy0Tn\=.fnő Y/:TC9<@fSI$:QR/bq7DfR/ֻn)Vqd"䳽˄GL;ϝRG顼n&%Sv eFv,L"t}I&N> D73]$e)( ;]XhL`kSzJlcC$<)깍h}dr,1ܝRM뭍eMa $?e3f8΍҈&P(x+JU5{I 3 M- ;7|#G9 !\œ&=xp2,L{-`?OW":4uܚEadv ~9q.VdV%UT@73$@W¯B!ݒaVLH:!opr;gAɀiήpfߙR E/IDO*Luf0}{7mfyDxT.g)w5RvHx#Z]&M$ gZUTt+lZqZ_;a&JaG,-JLJDFIcV|:I3nB&;N0Lna=Y_Gl,p5,,kc EKgd;2vt7selT9˸sX޲.6r<1!| L0lTMS1?Xsf cq )KSgBB&׭x. v c@^Yk΀v],E[ɾ QhYyXXC2)g/J@su1ScL, ?C[{V2i͛!סӠ&> 6lu>4Ƕʤ|=12鱧l{^:a/Y%~].26G: p^CZ V&Vedҟ?RrX7d#I]ՕuL1 ?_ /12IEh ̴b<ӯ^e _ϝ䰻^]vy> /ColorSpace /DeviceRGB /BitsPerComponent 8 /Length 873>> stream x1j08-K/)],) &gi+:U̲\"9H!@"9H!@"9H!@eY.Z[p_E{QHKV[/`j%ʒcP,SX4W{7urd5ɱPr:-ֆʇX$$zfZpClbw7z{[]qGlwlGlZiM,ߺ7x}w` L9=3zpWL9 j)ۓB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$e]k` B$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$/؋ endstream endobj 17 0 obj << /Type /ExtGState /BM /Normal /CA 0.3 >> endobj 18 0 obj << /Type /ExtGState /BM /Normal /ca 0.3 >> endobj 19 0 obj << /Type /Page /MediaBox [0.000 0.000 612.000 792.000] /Parent 3 0 R /Contents 20 0 R >> endobj 20 0 obj << /Filter /FlateDecode /Length 1876 >> stream xXMoWpcz$棻MRHѠޢ肒(1E*$d?w{.-gF/9^5;-{<}s˷-{ wV/ o8 ۞5XfKX7xZ&iH䅾1*o9nӨ@y5vi'K,VPtVaE `QxGh5?k*Pgn!cpO.U2ķFTp H8L*.ր]2,pTy;,mZYֻBS+ %*'ҧ8HtϾ6L:;(aj@LgjSA< 4k; `jT'~<IMV{">7@WiBZZnOQ48eRj^V9E}-*>i&Ix%P#SuwG6StnL*Oy6!ga3m=X9Fң-!I&/b (I'ړnj3%8PmXZo1;3r$QMkZ9L AQ5%U{t!SMnV/c6i2CN& )m̹:Gmpcek~ɫ1I|tTʪ',~|ƌtuj#HAǑ932.2mM>{&3u^⻃\D kGK;Zm ]6|`V> endobj 22 0 obj << /Type /ExtGState /BM /Normal /ca 1 >> endobj 23 0 obj << /Type /XObject /Subtype /Image /Width 550 /Height 140 /Filter /FlateDecode /DecodeParms << /Predictor 15 /Colors 1 /Columns 550 /BitsPerComponent 8>> /ColorSpace /DeviceGray /BitsPerComponent 8 /Length 5329>> stream xqDǯ뺒$ILfff&I335Lf2\3I2L&_3$3I$d+$\W=9y9lLss99P`0 `0 `0 `0 !U_:~u = F~sZŻدns⃪Qg¢G(F[-s͓^ DZ>d>3Dr#\OΉ, ZFwjux<;4Ƀxز#_v?nO<|{7c(b{Oū}w[N e~Hs䎷wwOn<1B.k+%U=eԘ -mCj)t:}c'ϓ*n"-ovkZ?R"V%wʶ7s]eX&eǕq` 1-2e JYHCFOUam 7:(Ԙt_@ހN t{B~ :V@}o#7!z^&zFL:ʤn X<- %"bNWqF c` M'4?cH-V`ǵAF>=#Ěm75dB I&7E5<>-͏їFǿl3M6x]Y&)2 FoΌ N.<t i4wL\^=_|Fo؏IȄ ik$ɄL?{?|tmCޮ=~T&iTevϷ'奔s?EꋄLPY͹箵?@L:Aˤ3y_:9AtA*0qVe- e6g)%a}.qKcI V/xʤzM|\ HSql0;*%+Mذ-闛obebu2iU&lLbtIcxb5^B#8 ޮaʻ _ w>j+L:$"&O;bZ K1 jmU玫ݢ=S/J<WO2'_yUPvp=`"aL5 Nl7"rlQT޼==-I[Se* F'(\`󴯉'{:נnVZ TG6*r$Tyx^LJū.C<3` %ANrxUo"˄ 0&$tO F&bIcW3GG͈ y!{m,LkCI d,(2"@ dR%F1thUL8Rݒ^+v9^?sʯYעDl~Qd" N2sc|ov}=F,3K#vxIvG^,[OM&wI[#,Jޙ\ض;L^fv[LbyYvM#/EI#/Zס$(ڼ ," &LK/IF i-Zx彰픢]MKeR n(PhV'LҸ\f$w/ e]"mɷWO߻˱ KerSPe (ӼGMȈ}X?ʍto7ZKl+81_Y&ǡd uʤ1Vw!sQ"/$zNkw(t)2BWQW"˄OXLp:e‡# וzn2F}qlc5ؾ:WH xLz LP:d# Q>(MRېd2Qt$o~R$YR5,-nޜLr_βehd" 2k1lvO X= eC p+[R=jU!֖}_DޟY2 (*wkZQ>Fl̲soR#^u3hhyTԲt.LtD8sk4z4Rbl@zp4hy0Tn\=.fnő Y/:TC9<@fSI$:QR/bq7DfR/ֻn)Vqd"䳽˄GL;ϝRG顼n&%Sv eFv,L"t}I&N> D73]$e)( ;]XhL`kSzJlcC$<)깍h}dr,1ܝRM뭍eMa $?e3f8΍҈&P(x+JU5{I 3 M- ;7|#G9 !\œ&=xp2,L{-`?OW":4uܚEadv ~9q.VdV%UT@73$@W¯B!ݒaVLH:!opr;gAɀiήpfߙR E/IDO*Luf0}{7mfyDxT.g)w5RvHx#Z]&M$ gZUTt+lZqZ_;a&JaG,-JLJDFIcV|:I3nB&;N0Lna=Y_Gl,p5,,kc EKgd;2vt7selT9˸sX޲.6r<1!| L0lTMS1?Xsf cq )KSgBB&׭x. v c@^Yk΀v],E[ɾ QhYyXXC2)g/J@su1ScL, ?C[{V2i͛!סӠ&> 6lu>4Ƕʤ|=12鱧l{^:a/Y%~].26G: p^CZ V&Vedҟ?RrX7d#I]ՕuL1 ?_ /12IEh ̴b<ӯ^e _ϝ䰻^]vy> /ColorSpace /DeviceRGB /BitsPerComponent 8 /Length 873>> stream x1j08-K/)],) &gi+:U̲\"9H!@"9H!@"9H!@eY.Z[p_E{QHKV[/`j%ʒcP,SX4W{7urd5ɱPr:-ֆʇX$$zfZpClbw7z{[]qGlwlGlZiM,ߺ7x}w` L9=3zpWL9 j)ۓB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$e]k` B$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$/؋ endstream endobj 25 0 obj << /Type /Page /MediaBox [0.000 0.000 612.000 792.000] /Parent 3 0 R /Contents 26 0 R >> endobj 26 0 obj << /Filter /FlateDecode /Length 364 >> stream xN0<5qK)P?qo Tw[lYGuX6jJGg KACMR mENXCYCAx(; oy؋xbgT S5۶[[I-khat nzp\BrΐE3~ᦕ%jMQycAipR~(G4&0;ie0Z5ҙ^NJWV WVX+8 $Ȓ3P a$XLRԌ]m |pg̞Hɝb G]a%,FKiImgiE23N,FC/HA9,9C'D`#iz儣`&0&\ endstream endobj 27 0 obj << /Type /XObject /Subtype /Image /Width 550 /Height 140 /Filter /FlateDecode /DecodeParms << /Predictor 15 /Colors 1 /Columns 550 /BitsPerComponent 8>> /ColorSpace /DeviceGray /BitsPerComponent 8 /Length 5329>> stream xqDǯ뺒$ILfff&I335Lf2\3I2L&_3$3I$d+$\W=9y9lLss99P`0 `0 `0 `0 !U_:~u = F~sZŻدns⃪Qg¢G(F[-s͓^ DZ>d>3Dr#\OΉ, ZFwjux<;4Ƀxز#_v?nO<|{7c(b{Oū}w[N e~Hs䎷wwOn<1B.k+%U=eԘ -mCj)t:}c'ϓ*n"-ovkZ?R"V%wʶ7s]eX&eǕq` 1-2e JYHCFOUam 7:(Ԙt_@ހN t{B~ :V@}o#7!z^&zFL:ʤn X<- %"bNWqF c` M'4?cH-V`ǵAF>=#Ěm75dB I&7E5<>-͏їFǿl3M6x]Y&)2 FoΌ N.<t i4wL\^=_|Fo؏IȄ ik$ɄL?{?|tmCޮ=~T&iTevϷ'奔s?EꋄLPY͹箵?@L:Aˤ3y_:9AtA*0qVe- e6g)%a}.qKcI V/xʤzM|\ HSql0;*%+Mذ-闛obebu2iU&lLbtIcxb5^B#8 ޮaʻ _ w>j+L:$"&O;bZ K1 jmU玫ݢ=S/J<WO2'_yUPvp=`"aL5 Nl7"rlQT޼==-I[Se* F'(\`󴯉'{:נnVZ TG6*r$Tyx^LJū.C<3` %ANrxUo"˄ 0&$tO F&bIcW3GG͈ y!{m,LkCI d,(2"@ dR%F1thUL8Rݒ^+v9^?sʯYעDl~Qd" N2sc|ov}=F,3K#vxIvG^,[OM&wI[#,Jޙ\ض;L^fv[LbyYvM#/EI#/Zס$(ڼ ," &LK/IF i-Zx彰픢]MKeR n(PhV'LҸ\f$w/ e]"mɷWO߻˱ KerSPe (ӼGMȈ}X?ʍto7ZKl+81_Y&ǡd uʤ1Vw!sQ"/$zNkw(t)2BWQW"˄OXLp:e‡# וzn2F}qlc5ؾ:WH xLz LP:d# Q>(MRېd2Qt$o~R$YR5,-nޜLr_βehd" 2k1lvO X= eC p+[R=jU!֖}_DޟY2 (*wkZQ>Fl̲soR#^u3hhyTԲt.LtD8sk4z4Rbl@zp4hy0Tn\=.fnő Y/:TC9<@fSI$:QR/bq7DfR/ֻn)Vqd"䳽˄GL;ϝRG顼n&%Sv eFv,L"t}I&N> D73]$e)( ;]XhL`kSzJlcC$<)깍h}dr,1ܝRM뭍eMa $?e3f8΍҈&P(x+JU5{I 3 M- ;7|#G9 !\œ&=xp2,L{-`?OW":4uܚEadv ~9q.VdV%UT@73$@W¯B!ݒaVLH:!opr;gAɀiήpfߙR E/IDO*Luf0}{7mfyDxT.g)w5RvHx#Z]&M$ gZUTt+lZqZ_;a&JaG,-JLJDFIcV|:I3nB&;N0Lna=Y_Gl,p5,,kc EKgd;2vt7selT9˸sX޲.6r<1!| L0lTMS1?Xsf cq )KSgBB&׭x. v c@^Yk΀v],E[ɾ QhYyXXC2)g/J@su1ScL, ?C[{V2i͛!סӠ&> 6lu>4Ƕʤ|=12鱧l{^:a/Y%~].26G: p^CZ V&Vedҟ?RrX7d#I]ՕuL1 ?_ /12IEh ̴b<ӯ^e _ϝ䰻^]vy> /ColorSpace /DeviceRGB /BitsPerComponent 8 /Length 873>> stream x1j08-K/)],) &gi+:U̲\"9H!@"9H!@"9H!@eY.Z[p_E{QHKV[/`j%ʒcP,SX4W{7urd5ɱPr:-ֆʇX$$zfZpClbw7z{[]qGlwlGlZiM,ߺ7x}w` L9=3zpWL9 j)ۓB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$e]k` B$ DrB$ DrB$ DrB$/؋ endstream endobj xref 0 29 0000000000 65535 f 0000000009 00000 n 0000000074 00000 n 0000000120 00000 n 0000000490 00000 n 0000000527 00000 n 0000000676 00000 n 0000000779 00000 n 0000002789 00000 n 0000002896 00000 n 0000003004 00000 n 0000003114 00000 n 0000003227 00000 n 0000003343 00000 n 0000003372 00000 n 0000003482 00000 n 0000009057 00000 n 0000010188 00000 n 0000010247 00000 n 0000010306 00000 n 0000010411 00000 n 0000012361 00000 n 0000012418 00000 n 0000012475 00000 n 0000018050 00000 n 0000019181 00000 n 0000019286 00000 n 0000019723 00000 n 0000025298 00000 n trailer << /Size 29 /Root 1 0 R /Info 5 0 R /ID[<4f65e753d3b97968bbe960307eed48e3><4f65e753d3b97968bbe960307eed48e3>] >> startxref 26429 %%EOF on the corner "Starting over" | Caring Magazine

Vol. #28

Grace Uncovered

Read Issue

Latest Impact StoriesView All

Popular Topics

PopularView All

on the corner “Starting over”

September 2, 2011
4 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0
Listen to this article

By Robert Docter, Editor-In-Chief

Often we find ourselves confronted by challenges we try to surmount only to be forced to recognize that what we tried wasn’t working. We all regularly face such challenges—a relationship gone sour, a test at school with a very low grade, an essay filled with red marks, a column for a newspaper lost somewhere in a computer just as it’s finished, a marriage with disappearing intimacy, job performance rated poor, a serious injury to an athlete caused by carelessness, unexpected data that fails in an expensive laboratory experiment, investments that led only to significant loss—and so on through the exigencies of life.

A muddy puddle of negativity splashes our brains and souls with such words as stupid, failure, incompetent, dumb, ineffectual, hopeless, inept— and anything else we can hit ourselves with during high moments of low self-doubt.

Starting over is not an indictment of past failures. No! Heroes start over. Starting over indicates a strong will to pursue a goal in different ways—to learn and thus profit from that which had seemed to fail. There’s some considerable challenge in starting over. It takes strength of will to overcome negative affect patterns that stimulate self-condemnation. Those who fail to accept the challenge, who continue this fear-based resistance, also fail to grow.

Life demands growth in each of its phases. There is never a time when we are excused from the responsibility of growing. Life is a series of endings and beginnings. We are confronted by different choices as we move from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood. We catch differing values, beliefs and attitudes from our parents. They establish many boundaries. They give us widely varying degrees of freedom. From this we assume “roles” in life.

Gerald and Marianne Corey, in their book I Never Knew I Had a Choice, examine role choices that become the motivation or the resistance to accepting new challenges in life. They identify significantly different gender roles.

They suggest that “the stereotypical male is cool, detached, objective, rational, worldly, competitive and strong.” Many who seek the stereotype as their model choose to suppress feelings, which they consider feminine. This man is emotionally unavailable, aggressive, denies his fears, zealously protects his inner self, is rigid in his labeling of others. I can’t guess how many stereotypical males live in this culture. This guy lives by rules about how masculine men are. They are swayed by sound bites and sign words. They refuse to grow beyond the dimensions they’ve assigned themselves in their role.

I think they need to start over. They caught these behaviors early and began to form their identity at the conclusion of the adolescent period. Now they’re stuck.

The Coreys state that they pay a price for this. He “loses a sense of himself because of his concern with being the way he thinks he should be as a male.” They don’t know how to love or be loved. They hide, hungering for affection, but without the will to begin anew—to start over, in life.

They also identify female stereotypes that identify women as “warm, expressive, and nurturing. They are expected to be kind, thoughtful and caring. They are not aggressive or independent. They are emotional and intuitive” as well as “passive and submissive. They prefer relationships over professional accomplishments.”

Women who fit the stereotype also pay a price. They box themselves in with the limited boundaries of this role. “Women and men need to remain open to each other and be willing to change their attitudes…releasing themselves from stereotypical roles.”

Breaking the stereotype demands starting over in terms of self-image, roles, and decision- making.

The culture is changing. With the entry of massive numbers of women into the work place and assuming non-traditional roles, we find the male beginning to assume more of the responsibilities formerly assigned females. It’s almost as if the cultural change forced us to start over in all aspects of our life

Mid-life, that period of life which I consider the adolescence of adulthood, presents its own challenge. Time is measured differently with computations providing answers related to the amount of time I have left instead of measuring my time from birth to mid-life. Gender roles shift. Females become more assertive, less nurturing, more outside the home than within it. At mid-life we tend to put aside long-sought dreams. Males assume a more nurturing role, and reveal more feeling.

We are required to start over building a new sense of self and to form a new identity at each major developmental crisis.

Psychologist Eric Ericson describes the final developmental crisis as “integrity vs. despair” and suggests that the major challenge of this last developmental period is “to be through having been.”

I see this as completeness vs. faithlessness with the challenge of living a complete life instead of living a life of despair. For some the aches, pains and pills of this period are very severe and limiting. It’s possible easily to slip into despair.

The best way to avoid this is through a strengthened faith and a strong support system.

Age need not be a factor in seeking to start over, to find life and hope through increased spirituality.

 

Download this page as a PDF

You May Also Like